Letter

Just got a letter from my mother. It was very sad. She seems to still be convinced that I do not care or want her presence in my life. In her letter were many, many little cuts. I am not sure if I can convey how her words feel. Her way of speaking is apparent in her letters, her inflections, tone and disdain (sp?) is laced throughout. When she appologizes for the short notice on a visit for Thanksgiving, she says she knows she should have notified me 6 months ago. That one was sarcasm. She was commenting on the fact that last Christmas she gave me two days notice (not unlike this time) that she was coming down and would be in Corning but would go no further or closer to me, I had to make my way the rest of the way. Unfortunately, that Christmas we were so short on cash I could not afford the gas to make it to Corning and she became upset. I said that I could not make such a change in plans on such short notice and that made her feel hurt too. I also mentioned, probably mistakenly, that I had a choice between visiting her and visiting my father. I chose my dad because he has been an active participant in the boys life, while she just made excuses.

Anyway she made many insinuations about my loyalty and my not needing her because I have so many other family members near by. I wrote a letter back, yes ladies and gentlemen, right away, while the feelings were still fresh. I did not accuse, point fingers, or make insinuations, I took the blame for the shit that was on my side of the street. I told her that I missed her and her friendship. I ignored completely her insinuations. I hope it works...even though I know better.

C