I'm not that kind of scientist!!

I feel awful...I am not the kind of scientist that is okay with experimenting on animals. We had to do a surgery today on a rat and remove one of it's kidneys, it was knocked out but all we had was dull scissors and forceps. It was horrible, brutal and unnecessary. In two weeks we have to remove the other one and determine the difference in weight of the kidneys. The realization will hit you in a few seconds...yep, thats right, it will die....cause ya can't live with out at least one kidney. I love biology...but this is why I did not go into research, this is why I am thoroughly done in today...I want to drop this class, I don't want to be the reason for the death of this rat...I am so frustrated that I have to keep the fucking class though...why the hell do I need Vertebrate Physiology as a MICRObiologist...microbes don't have vertebrae!!!

I am going to bed.