Evan's Questions: Chrissy in the Crossfire

1. Given our recent discussion about your having more kids, have you considered surrogacy?

I had at one point considered surrogacy, but I know that my attachment would run too deeply to a child growing inside me to be able to let it go after the birth. It is the same with foster children I guess, I could not send them off to an unknown fate...it would completely break me.

2. What sort of repercussions, if any, do you feel the way your mother treats/relates to you has on the boys?

I think that my mother has affected all parts of my life, including both the way I parent and the relationship I have with my boys.

As far as repercussions...Do they notice that their grandmother has been out of the picture and that there is tension between us? Yes, they absolutely do, they question why they have not seen her and why we dont go up to see her. I think that the worst thing about it is that they dont understand how this kind of tension can come up between a mom and her kid. I don't think they have gone so far as to wonder if that will happen between them and I.

Other repercussions...Has my relationship with them been affected? Yes, I have become more conscious of the fact that I am the grownup, that I have to be there for them and that it is my responsibility to be their rock...and than never in a time when they are in need should I expect more from them than they are willing or able to give. I have realized that all too often I have thought of my mom as the child, the one who needs to be handled and that is entirely too much to ask of ones children.

3. What is it about your area of study that just does it for you so much that you love it so (and explain what your field of study is for all those poor souls here who don't know already)?

My area of study is microbiology. I study the bugs that make us sick and help us digest the food we eat etc. Whenever the doctor takes a throat swab or blood tests I will be the person testing it to find out what is going on. I love the bugs because they don't talk back, they are mostly stable and I absolutely love the idea of solving the puzzle as to what is making this person ill or have the infection. I also like the idea that someday with a little more schooling, I can be involved in research that cures cancer or diabetes or other diseases...

4. What about your current living situation is more trying: the decrease in privacy you once enjoyed or the loss of you and C. being 100% in charge of the household (or something else entirely)?

The decrease in privacy is not so bad, I have had less before (army) and was okay. The loss of being the one in charge is a bit more aggravating, especially since FIL is much more stubborn than I had expected and has some of the strangest concerns. One of the more recent is that he is convinced that someone is going to steal the mail from our box( he gets his mail at a P.O. Box for this reason)...so he checks it before I get home, and usually forgets to tell me that he has for a day or so and the mail piles up. He also has a tendency to make observations about our financial situation and other issues that, as rude as it may sound, are none of his business. Lastly I have had to remember to bring whatever mail I have opened into my bedroom because he will go through it...all in all it is not too bad, because as long as I don't leave the mail on the counter, as is my habit, he doesn't go through it and cannot comment on the financial information he finds.

5. What do you think is your greatest strength as a parent?

Now this one is a tough one...I have issues with being the perfect mother, I don't want the boys to go through the type of childhood that I and so many people I know have had, so I feel absolutely horrible any time I think I may have screwed up. I do everything in my power to make sure the boys know they are loved and supported, I try as hard as I can to have enough patience to not rip any heads off when they are acting up. And even though this very hard work and gives me grey hair, this is what I think is my greatest strength. Don't get me wrong I am not trying to be a Stepford wife...far from it...but knowing what a childhood is NOT supposed to be and because I love them so much...doing what I can to be the parent that a child deserves is probably my strength.