Birthdays

There are a bunch of birthdays in September...Terry, Lash, Genny, Paul and myself. If I have forgotten anyone I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart, nay, the cockles of my heart. This plethora of birthdays is unusual for me, as growing up I was the only birthday in this half of the year. I want to first say thank you to Denise for making me a very wonderful and very tasty cake last weekend...I could actually taste it (weekend before I was sickie and couldn't taste anything)!!

I would also like to include a description of the card given to me by the very sweet and thoughtful Aeia:

The front:
happy birthday Crissy (decorated with a balloon with the letter C on it, presents, cards and a happy face with long curly hair)

The inside:
(decorated with a picture of my living room with people sitting around the table with a birthday cake in the center with candles)

"Birth day

wishes

happiness

Hold on to your

dreams

ask questions,

plan to succeed,

proceed with

confidence,

invest in the right

attitude,

Never stop belliving,

Enjoy the detours,

save time for little things

Share a smile every day."

The Back:

Stars, lots of them and "Crissy you rock"

This is the best card I believe I have ever gotten, it is so very sweet and wonderful, thank you Aeia!

Hubby was away at drill that weekend so we are going to do a little celebratin' this weekend too...woohoo...the longest birthday ever! My work gave me a cake that I get to pick up next Friday, my dad sent a really nice card and Lash and Aeia called on the actual day to wish me a happy birthday (that was really sweet), my baby took me to mexico (a mexican restaurant nearby) for dinner on the actual day and my brother and his family called to sing me "Happy Birthday." All in all a very good birthday!!

Now on a bit of a downerish note...stop here if you want, I won't blame you or even get upset, in fact I probably won't even know...lol. My mother failed to send a card, call or even email me. At first I brushed it off and acted like I wasn't upset, however, all this week I have been getting increasingly anxious, I could not put my finger on it until I was on my way home today. I have been waiting for something from her, hoping she would atleast send me a stupid e-card. Now I recognize that I am very angry at her for not doing the slightest thing to recognize my birthday. This usually indicates that she is angry at me for something and I usually end up being the one to initiate the conversation to figure out why, I ignore my own feelings to determine what has caused her to ignore mine. I usually don't even bring up the fact that I am angry, in fact I usually don't even recognize that I AM angry, I simply take it out on those closest to me by lashing out and not dealing with the real reason I am angry. Now, I have been doing some research, I am a child of an alcoholic, we all know this, what I did not know is that being a child of an alcoholic actually means something psychologically. Primarily dealing with this issue is that children of alcoholics tend to ignore or repress any feelings of anger or resentment especially towards the alcoholic parent. Having recognized that this was what I was doing all week, getting more and more anxious and getting upset at others more easily and etc...what shall I do about it? I am still in the process of deciding what to do, but I am seriously leaning towards...nothing. I am angry, very angry (for more than just the card mind you, for the fact of her not sending anything being her way of manipulating me and her way of playing passive-aggressive) but I have decided that the expected action will be to come running to find out what is wrong. I am not going to feed into that bullshit anymore, I am done, stick a fork in me. I have been on this path for a while, getting more and more honest/brutal in my emails to her and just simply getting sick of the drama. I can't say I want nothing more to do with her because I still do want a mother, a normal relationship with shopping, lunches and a connection to someone female who was a significant part of my upbringing whether for the good or bad. I am just no longer going to chase after it, I am 32 years old, you have to let go of the daydreams sometime.

(sigh)...there...it is off my chest, certainly not forever, but for now...

Anyway, thank you to those of you who have wished me a happy birthday...you all have with out a doubt surpassed in making up for the one little card/email I did not get...thank you, thank you, thank you...

C

I was unaware of the effect that most recent post would have on people! Just wanted to clarify some questions that may have been brought up by my ambiguity. I am not upset at anyone, I was pointing out my hypocrisy in that I too had not blogged about the weekend. The need for sanity thoughts being sent my way has nothing to do with the blogging...it is an issue that I have a tendency to have to deal with and it is helpful if there is some sanity floating in the air, I have the distince hope that I might get a contact high from it and start feeling better faster.

Anyway, things here are going pretty good, work is...well, work, it is neither good nor bad at this point, the current setup of our schedules sucks in that the position I am usually on right now because of the need to train two people in on only three shifts is incredibly boring and you end up doing much in the way of maintenance, cleaning and general busy work. The good at work is that I have been finally entrusted with a project, I get to set up a new test we are starting, it is determining the sodium in different things throughout the brewery...I get to set up the standards, known values and testing schedules!! I know, this sounds incredibly boring, but this is actually fun for me...so I am not so bad there.

Boyos are good, we have run out of R's medicine for his ADHD and won't be able to get more until tomorrow afternoon...bummer, I hope he doesn't drive his teacher crazy and he still has a good time at school. He does have good days where he seems as if he doesn't need the medicine but who knows if that will be the case tomorrow. S is thouroughly addicted to video games again... I really want him doing more active things, but today when I kicked both boys out to play he grabbed a book and started reading on the porch...grrr...silly boy.

Hubby is good, we know now that he has at least two years of stability in his unit, meaning he is not going to Iraq any time soon. He is however in a unit that really pushes for extra training so he may be leaving here and there for more of that stuff...I can handle that way better than Iraq.

I am just getting over a head cold that had me feeling terrible for the entire Labor Day weekend, and a headache for the actual day. But I am, of course, feeling better just in time to go to work on Tuesday...figures...lol. I am on the 4:30 shift tomorrow, super early, but it will be a nice 4 day break from the dreaded 5:00 am shift mentioned above, I get to go back to it next week though...but atleast I get a break!!

Anyway..gots to go, Heroes in HD is starting!!

C